For a school with such a tiny population, Oxford Academy is surprisingly home to thousands of odd and quite questionable addictions. Here are some of the most concerning obsessions adopted by fellow classmates:
Eating lipgloss – D.N. (10)
D.N. always has a half-empty tube of the Glossier birthday cake lipgloss in his hoodie pocket. Going through four tubes in the last month, this shiny and scrumptious formula is his strange addiction — not the act of applying it, but rather actively consuming three serving sizes a day. Considered a low maintenance and portable snack, this Glossier lip gloss is his breakfast, lunch, and dessert — claimed to be better (and extraordinarily more expensive) than any real birthday cake at the bakery.
Reading webtoons – E.T. (11)
Webtoons are a dangerous black hole, and E.T. has fallen through it. Webtoons have become her sole source of social media, mainstream news, and reality all in one digital platform. It makes its way onto her lock screen and automatically opens itself on her phone. She is completely trapped — no matter how expensive or advanced the rehab process, nothing can compete against the insane power of webtoons.
AP classes – S.L. (12)
Most students seek an easy way out of the high school curriculum, but this particular student seems to enjoy the aftermath of selecting every Advanced Placement (AP) class available in her Aeries course request page. Six AP textbooks (each averaging 3.5 pounds) sit in her backpack as she strolls through the hallways listening to her AP Calculus BC lecture playlist. As a double-science (and double-stress) student, S.L. averages five minutes of free time a day (six if she’s lucky) and sees her textbooks more than she sees her family.
Sniffing his dog – D.S. (9)
Favorite scents usually change throughout the seasons, but for D.S., there is only one scent that particularly arouses him. Whenever he sees his fluffy white dog, he has to stop and take a big whiff of the sharp, nutty odor of its fur. The signature scent is a mixture of salty tortilla chips and a musky wet rug, with hints of sulfur and feces. With over three years of experience, D.S. now describes his favorite pastime to be ferociously sniffing his dog.
Before these addictions get out of hand, the Damut wants to remind our poor victims that rehab is always an option. For much-needed support and guidance, feel free to make an appointment with the Oxford Academy counselors or call the National Strange Addiction Treatment (NSAT) hotline at 1-800-FIX-MY-ADDICTION.
