Oxford’s seniors have gone missing! A senior bonding event with a hide and seek game gone wrong forced this issue of The Damut to be filled with quotes taken from our confidential vaults. After extensive hours of reading over interview transcripts, here is an assortment of quotes from those who have disappeared, featuring segments from unrelated interviews.

QUESTION: Please introduce yourself.

#1AIRBOWER: I’m a section leader. First chair. I’m not even the best, you know I’m the worst? I just sit there because no one else wants to sit there. And because I’m forced to sit there.”

QUESTION: Why did you join [REDACTED]?

PREZZY V: I was originally in [REDACTED] for a week, and I didn’t know how to play instruments or anything [but] she put me in the most advanced class. I went to [REDACTED] because I sang a bunch in the shower. I didn’t know if I was good, but at least I know how to do something in this class.

QUESTION: What do you hope to accomplish this year in [REDACTED]? 

#1AIRBOWER: Not get caught not playing. Fake it till you make it!

QUESTION: How much have you grown and learned in [REDACTED]? 

#1AIRBOWER: Not much because I was bad when I started and I’m bad now.”

QUESTION: What do you love about [REDACTED]? 

#1AIRBOWER: …Next.

QUESTION: What’s your favorite memory in [REDACTED]?

STEROTYPICAL_THEATER_KID: After one of the shows, [REDACTED] went to In-N-Out. We were still in our outfits and everything and one of the workers was like “Oh my gosh, I used to be in Kennedy [REDACTED]!” He started singing. We all started singing. It was a super stereotypical theater kid moment. If Daniel somehow gets his hands on this copy of The Damut, hi Daniel!

QUESTION: What are you looking forward to this year?

ALL:  Leaving school.

Hope those seniors are found soon.