On Feb. 18, Oxford Academy finally succumbed to the pleas of the student body: They lifted the ban on denim clothing. After their protests through a mock-spirit week where they wore polos as pants and uniform bottoms as tops, the Oxford students rejoiced as they gained the American right to wear jeans. An Instagram post detailing their new rules in which jeans of any color were now accepted as uniform bottoms was released and student morale skyrocketed until things started to get out of hand…

Within the first two weeks of their newfound freedom, jean culture conquered Oxford Academy. Students slowly gravitated towards others who wore the same type of jeans as they did. Distancing themselves from old friends, new cliques started to form based on favorite jean types. By the time the next Club Rush came around, prevalent clubs like HOSA, FBLA, or Key Club were gone and were replaced with clubs like HighRise4theWin, BJBJ (baggy jean best jean), and the infamous SKJ (the skinny jean fanatics).

Some teachers, like Mrs. Biggbon, wholeheartedly backed the new creative freedom, as expressed when she banged the table and yelled, “WHOOO ANTI-BAN ANTI- BAN,” when asked for her opinions.

After the first wave of jean fever came the far worse second one. The two most popular clubs, HighRise4theWin and BJBJ, had a daily pre-lunch ritual. The ritual started when the two clubs held a pair of skinny jeans between them and fought until one prevailed. The president of the winning club had the honor of wearing a crown made of cut fabric from every type of jean for the day and were also allowed to use the pair of skinny jeans to catapult each other to the front of the lunch lines.

What really horrified admin wasn’t the shrines and lockers made dedicated to Levi Strauss though, it was the low GPAs and influx of transfer students from other schools. With their minds completely fixated on jeans, students stopped investing in their education. With an all time low school ranking, both staff and some concerned students regretted the motion of allowing jeans.

Desperate to restore students’ shortened attention spans, teachers began to replace history classes with lessons about jeans. APUSH, for example, became a class about the gold rush and rise of denim in the United States. However, their attempts were futile as students started to pray to their denim god, Levi Strauss. Exhausted, teachers gave up on teaching, and during WASC accreditation, the closing of Oxford Academy was put under consideration.