Looking to spice up your Oxford experience? If yes, then joining the spiritual secret societies located near campus would be an excellent way to spend your free time. Here are a couple of curated and niche communities you might be interested in.
Gym Bro Paradise
If you’re searching for other men who base their entire personality off of the gym, look no further than the Chuze fitness cult located in the men’s locker rooms after school! Toxic gym bros, boys without a license, and retired athletes are all welcome to try joining the manosphere. To prove you are a committed fitness enthusiast, you must be able to chug a protein shake consisting of blended chicken and sardines from an unwashed container. Once you join you should flex off your newbie gains in the numerous mirrors and dumbbell racks, even if you can’t bench a plate. To rise the ranks in this cult, create a dedicated gym page where your shirtless pictures will be burned into the eyes of the unsuspecting people you follow.
The Mysterious Gossip Society
For most Oxford students, the library is used to lock in for midterms or play Fortnite rip-offs on the available computers. However, for the select few, the library is home to a cult dedicated to chatting about new gossip at Oxford Academy like superb seniors, underrated underclassmen, and Hoco’s mono outbreak. Not much is known about the Cypress Library cult, and many people are unsure if it even exists. Since members want to maintain it’s exclusivity, members have been instructed to gatekeep it and gaslight them into thinking they’re crazy.
Union of Kpop Stans Republic
Oxford students flock to the source for their K-pop needs, but do they know its true lore? Underneath the surface, The Source is home to a cult that only has the most dedicated stans of Aespa, IVE, Le Sserafim, TXT, and Seventeen. For initiation, followers must be able to recite each of the 26 NCT members’ Korean names and what sub-group they belong to without faltering once. No weakness must be shown and once members are accepted into the cult, they must pay homage to a picture of JYP (Park Jin-young) in the unisex bathrooms. While numbers have been growing for the cult, the group has entered a civil war after hearing heartbreaking news of Aespa Karina dating another human being.
Anti-Annoying Oxford Students
Don’t be fooled by the Liquor store’s convenience, this little shop on Moody and Orange holds a cult to destroy the livelihood of all Oxford students. After dealing with hordes of misbehaved underclassmen once school ends, the owners have recruited like-minded students who are tired of their own school’s pretentiousness and uncouth mannerisms. To enter the ranks of these rebels, you must create schemes that siphon money from clueless junior highers and their parent’s money. Some notable schemes the cult is currently running are the World’s Poorest Chocolate and the totally real “ATM” fee when you pay with a card at the store.
With so many underground cults around campus, you are bound to find something to dedicate your life to. Forget meaningful extracurriculars, internships, work, and ways to further your academic prowess, these groups are the only true way to experience the true essence of Oxford.