In the dystopian landscape of woke liberal fantasies, the Charles Entertainment Cheese School District (CECSD) leads the way in releasing waves of progressive chaos. Their latest nefarious proposal will grant students the freedom to modify their hair color and implement a new curriculum to promote proper pronoun usage. Serving to brainwash children and spread a hidden liberal agenda, this proposal is a dire reflection of a corrupt education system that has overstepped its boundaries into students’ personal lives.
The proposed policy on hair is not about self-expression, but merely the district’s sinister ploy to turn youth into social justice warriors fighting for “equality and rights.” According to Professor Bob McAntivax at 2nd Amendment University, the non-organic hair dyes will seep through their abnormally formed and undeveloped brains, transforming them into liberal arts majors. Gone are the days of normal teenage rebellion with door slamming and breaking curfew, now replaced with impassioned monologues about “society” and kids exploited as naive pawns to spread woke conspiracies like climate change and vaccines.
“Ever since Chad dyed his hair blue, he won’t shut up about the existential crisis of consumerism and capitalism,” said Edmund LXIX Burke, “He even rejects the idea of people coughing up their left kidney to pay for healthcare. This is not the son I raised.”
The CECSD’s implementation of new “grammar lessons,” allegedly intending to improve English composition and literacy, directly violates the First Amendment of freedom of speech. This completely new set of grammatical laws will impose tyrannical linguistic conformity, stifling individual expression. Ideas of “singular they” and thousands of different pronoun types, like personal, relative, and possessive, encourage a radical departure from traditional grammar rules as they simply do not exist. To suggest language follows the scientific principles of evolution is completely bonkers.
There are also rumors about implementing a 24/7 misgendering hotline and “Pronoun Police,” a grammar-checking software program. Although formed to report any campus pronoun misuse, the police force would quickly morph into a tyrannical force, wielding strict punishments and penalties that turn the hallways into grammatical battlefields.
While CECSD expresses concern over the educational and social development of children, they themselves are indoctrinating youth with poisonous ideas, even going as far as to teach first graders about their deranged pronoun grammar, including a new woke concept called “adjectives and adverbs.”
Non-freaks must unionize together to stop the future that liberals desire. Organizations like the Anti-Blue Hair and Pronouns League (ABHPL) will counteract the liberal agenda before society spirals into a world of understanding, empathy, and acceptance of radical concepts. The call for unity must go further with a symbolic act of resistance through the collective action of baldness and protest at the CECSD office on June 1.
