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The Gamut

The Gamut

The Gamut

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Mankind is nothing without the Minions

History is all about shedding light on our heroes of the past, but there is one group that the average APUSH class fails to pay homage to. The now-extinct Minions have built society from the ground up with their little gloved hands, and it’s about time people recognized their significance in art and pop culture.

Minionese, considered the most beautiful Romance language for its complex vocabulary and rich, smooth tone, is spoken by less than a thousand people today but was historically dubbed the language of leaders. Most significant sayings have actually been translated to laymen’s terms from the original Minionese for universal understanding: for example, Sir Isaac Newton’s third law of motion was originally recorded as “bee pö kapla tom” and later translated to “for every action in nature there is an equal and opposite reaction.” The nuance of Minionese was lost as the law was watered down to peasant languages, along with most Minionese prose and poetry.

The Minion influence in the arts, however, has not died out in the slightest. Popular fairytales often accredited to the Brothers Grimm were actually heavily inspired by the Minions; for instance, the Cinderella story originates from Bob, who won the crown of England despite the abuse of his stepmother Scarlet Overkill. Alongside literature, the Minions were proficient in singing and performing arts. Credited for pioneering music theory through god-like musical pieces written for the first-ever ukulele, the Minions were the original chart-toppers.

“My entire career is thanks to Kevin, who, as we all know, was the first to grow vocal cords,” said Chew, ex-member of the K-Pop group POONA. “His ancient techniques in dancing and singing are the blueprint for everyone in the music industry and I owe everything to him. Minions, fighting!” 

The influence of the Minions is in plain sight in every facet of society. Without their power and artistry, mankind would be stuck in the Stone Age. From inspiring Latin and Greek roots to making history as the first King of England, the Minions have made their mark and their impact will continue to brand our world.

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Mankind is nothing without the Minions