Amidst their magical homecoming night in January, Oxford Academy students feared a delirium-invoking virus that ran rampant among the dancefloor residents. A brand new variant of mononucleosis, also known as the “kissing disease” infected nearly half of the Oxford students who attended the dance. The virus is thought to have accelerated its course due to the glaring public displays of affection (PDA) that took place that night on the dancefloor.
Speculations of the virus began once nearly half of the student body didn’t show up to school the following Monday and nearly a third of the campus didn’t check into school for the week. The virus-ridden Oxford campus looked similar to that of a gothic dystopian society one would read about in their English 2H class. Symptoms of the virus include walking sluggishly, jaundiced skin, and glazed-over eyes. As the week progressed, so did the sickness, even infecting other AUHSD campuses like Leprechaun and Cyphype High. The virus went as far as being spotted in students among East Anaheim campuses like Nutella and High.
At the end of the month, the mono plateaued, and cases were brought back down to a very minimal five students per campus, however, this would not be the last time Anaheim Union would be battling the virus. Following the first wave of the disease, district admin feared for their attendance funding and campus health as the biggest day for on-campus PDA was just a few weeks away, Valentine’s Day.
The day of love resulted in a mutated strand of the illness that hit the district harder than the initial wave. The new form of the virus came with its interesting side effects which paid homage to where it was birthed, on the Oxford campus. One general side effect was randomly breaking out into the Oxford Fight song as well as more individualized side effects that included chanting class cheers.
“2026 you should see our kicks! 2026 we got all the tricks!” said a current OA sophomore who has been out for nearly a month while battling the illness.
With attendance records at an all-time low, this called for a district-wide action plan against the spread of the illness from AUHSD Superintendent Mr. Matthew Mitsubishi himself, declaring a “No PDA/kissing” rule across all campus dances along with a mandatory six-foot social distance between couples. A Saturday Academy is also scheduled for sometime in March to compensate for the lost funds due to the lack of students on campus. Additionally, the district will begin cutting elective courses from campuses like the science and medical pathways.
Because of this newfound threat to campus life and safety, Mitsubishi also banned all couples from the district, leading them to find haven in nearby school districts like Garden Grove, Fullerton, and even Los Angeles Unified.
Moving forward, the AUHSD is projected to lose all students by 2039 at the current rate in which students are “linking up” and following one another on social media. The birth of new couples is currently at an all-time high.
