Amidst their magical homecoming night in January, Oxford Academy students feared a delirium-invoking virus that ran rampant among the dancefloor residents. A brand new variant of mononucleosis, also known as the “kissing disease” infected nearly half of the Oxford students who attended the dance....

Situationships plague Oxford Academy’s lonely academic burnouts, as a consequence of Patriots’ utter inability to commit to a relationship. But these agonizing, often three months of back-and-forth conversations should not be cures for students’ bleak lives. So The Damut has decided to scientifically...