The culinary award-winning Patriot Burger, served at the annual WOW games behind the Oxford Academy math building, has been severely affected by the temporary leave of Jhayne Jhaldu, one of two renowned grill masters alongside his twin brother Cheremy Chitman.  Long gone are the days of Oxford students...

Following student outcry for more film and media production classes, Oxford Academy announced a new Career Technical Education (CTE) pathway on Jan. 1 — TikTok Thirst Trapping (TTT) Production. Set to launch during the 2024-2025 school year, the pathway will prepare students for a profession in the...

After 15 years in the making, Taylor Swift’s face will be forever engraved in stone on Mt. Rushmore in South Dakota on April 1. The superstar has joined the four presidents in their station on Mt. Rushmore. The contractors, students of Oxford Academy’s Art Club, had been sworn to secrecy about the...

As of March 1st, a new College Board update requires all AP Computer Science (APCS) students to complete an additional performance task: showering. The decision was made after numerous complaints from faculty and students about toxic fumes spilling out of the 300 building at Oxford Academy— notably,...

The Orange County Health Care Agency (OCHCA) has officially declared the rapid spread of virus Stüssy-8 a “county-wide epidemic.” Cases are erupting particularly in local high schools, as students spread the “trending” Stüssy-8 amongst themselves. Though Oxford Academy firmly bans infected...

Oxford Academy is the only 7-12 school in the district. There is a reason the trend isn’t catching on elsewhere. It is imperative to separate these two age groups as a matter of safety and concern for their fundamental differences. Oxford middle schoolers have become too confident for comfort. Think...

From fresh Caesar salads to package-free fruits, the new lunch lineup at Oxford Academy has disgustingly replaced generational school lunch culture and is yet another extreme example of gentrification. To combat this movement, students must show resistance by voicing their anger and dismantling the outrageously...

Compared to studying, obscure Reddit stories on TikTok always grab students’ attention. Through split screens with never-ending content like Subway Surfers, CollegeBoard can maximize student potential, enhance curriculum, and break national records for student test scores.  Called sludge content,...

What some call favoritism, preferential treatment, or downright unfairness, others call a minor head start. This advantageous step ahead, famously named “nepotism,” collectively benefits all of society.  Nepo baby Dakota Johnson once dubbed nepo baby discourse as “annoying and boring.” No...

In the dystopian landscape of woke liberal fantasies, the Charles Entertainment Cheese School District (CECSD) leads the way in releasing waves of progressive chaos. Their latest nefarious proposal will grant students the freedom to modify their hair color and implement a new curriculum to promote proper...

By day, Mr. Barsnett collects greenies from Oxford Academy students — but by night, he stacks dough in the recording studio. Weaving together breezy lo-fi beats and a flow as hot as the school salad bar fries, Oxford’s own ASB technician Mr. Barsnett has become a household name in music. Barsnett...