Federal Reserve employees and Wall Street bankers are pounding their fists on the ground after stocks plummeted due to the Source’s recent shutdown. On March 25, the Source OC met its untimely demise after being overrun by Oxford students, exceeding its carrying capacity and damaging critical...

Two days ago Oxford Academy witnessed the rise of three teachers: Mrs. Diana Major, Mrs. Marissa Valgan, and Ms. Sharon Ran. Together, this terrifying trio declared their rule over the school, prowling the halls with red matching outfits. Ruler of the performing arts building, Mrs. Major displays...

Using the Myers-Briggs personality test, The Damut has scientifically researched Oxford’s grades to improve mindfulness on campus! In the wilderness that is OA’s campus, these exuberant personalities shine.   OA’28 ESTP — Entrepreneur Ready for the Business Expo and a black card,...

Oxford Academy is no whimsical playground, and it can be easy to feel like you are doing everything wrong. You are probably right, but that’s okay! With solutions to some of Oxford’s most pressing problems, the Damut’s foolproof advice is sure to channel your hormonal, teenage angst into Patriot-perfect...

On Feb. 18, Oxford Academy finally succumbed to the pleas of the student body: They lifted the ban on denim clothing. After their protests through a mock-spirit week where they wore polos as pants and uniform bottoms as tops, the Oxford students rejoiced as they gained the American right to wear...

On April 1, three Oxford Academy students, who had gone missing after visiting a bakery approximately 85 degrees west and 0.8 miles away from Oxford, were found after a two- week disappearance — on Cypyass High School’s (CHS) campus. After the incident was reported to Oxford’s admin...

On April 1, administration valiantly decided to expand Oxford’s portfolio of “passionate” students with elementary and kindergarten goobers. While students (desperately) beg for more campus space, Oxford has chosen to allocate resources to build a super legion of little Einsteins. Earlier...

Oxford’s seniors have gone missing! A senior bonding event with a hide and seek game gone wrong forced this issue of The Damut to be filled with quotes taken from our confidential vaults. After extensive hours of reading over interview transcripts, here is an assortment of quotes from those who have...