Fun

Suspicious student involvement at local bakery

Certified Munch, Staff Writer • April 4, 2023

On April 1, three Oxford Academy students, who had gone missing after visiting a bakery approximately 85 degrees west and 0.8 miles away from Oxford, were found after a two- week disappearance — on Cypyass High School’s (CHS) campus. After the incident was reported to Oxford’s admin...

The Damut’s eligible bachelors of 2023

Patricia Bateman and Bojack Wolfwoman • April 4, 2023

Meet the Damut’s most eligible bachelors! These hopeless romantics are lonely and looking for love. With a diverse selection of personalities, one of these staffers may be perfect for you! Anjali S. - Tortured Artist Desperation: 8/10 A Fleabag-esque philosopher who loves to assert dominance...

Peeping up with the Penjamins: Best Pens Forever

Teehee and Boohoo • April 4, 2023

Known for their style, class, and charisma, seniors Penjamin Puang and Penjamin Pwong are Oxford’s greatest enigma. Their intimidating yet elusive natures are some of the greatest to grace this school — no one knows when or how they came to be, only that they are here now. The Damut presents an all-exclusive...

Oxford’s official comeback: New Little Einsteins

Kate Jacobs, Staff Writer • April 4, 2023

On April 1, administration valiantly decided to expand Oxford’s portfolio of “passionate” students with elementary and kindergarten goobers. While students (desperately) beg for more campus space, Oxford has chosen to allocate resources to build a super legion of little Einsteins. Earlier...

Senior Features: Missing in Action

flabbergasted bubblewrap, Staff Writer • April 4, 2023

Oxford’s seniors have gone missing! A senior bonding event with a hide and seek game gone wrong forced this issue of The Damut to be filled with quotes taken from our confidential vaults. After extensive hours of reading over interview transcripts, here is an assortment of quotes from those who have...

The momentous marination of a milky monument

D1 Hater, Staff Writer • April 4, 2023

Picture this: a warm September day on the OA campus, heading to math class stressing over an assignment you knew was due but decided to push off. All of a sudden, your nose gives you something else to stress over. Something smelly, something rotten, something... sour? That would be the milk locker....

Mankind is nothing without the Minions

GOAT (Goat Of All Time), Staff Writer • April 4, 2023

History is all about shedding light on our heroes of the past, but there is one group that the average APUSH class fails to pay homage to. The now-extinct Minions have built society from the ground up with their little gloved hands, and it’s about time people recognized their significance in art and...