The Student Newspaper of Oxford Academy

The Gamut

The Gamut

The Gamut

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The momentous marination of a milky monument

The+momentous+marination+of+a+milky+monument
D1 Hater

Picture this: a warm September day on the OA campus, heading to math class stressing over an assignment you knew was due but decided to push off. All of a sudden, your nose gives you something else to stress over. Something smelly, something rotten, something… sour? That would be the milk locker. The locker was a generous gift from OA’26 as a token of appreciation towards Oxford Academy in the form of dozens of cafeteria milk cartons stacked upon each other to be abandoned in a humid locker by Mr. Sillium’s room. By late September 2021, the milk locker was retired after a certain Mr. Clifford smelled it from afar. But now, the milk locker has returned for a second time.

During its reign on the Oxford campus, the milk locker stunk up hallways reaching from the math building all the way to the end of the locker rooms leaving its legacy to live on as none have dared to venture into the former dairy farmland.

Some say that after their daily strolls past OA’26’s “monument of mold,” they felt significant improvement in their volleyball related knee injuries as the calcium seeping from all corners of the milk locker penetrated into their bones and joints.

Now for the second time, coming to the JV volleyball squads rescue, the milk locker is back. This time even more sour, stinkier, and smellier. The locker has creeped from the math building to the front facing side of the school near the language department.

Just two weeks ago, a group of brave and courageous seventh graders opened the locker in an attempt to build hallway cred but ended up with a one way slip to Mrs. Biggs’s office. One of the seventh graders, still under the spell of the stench, failed to answer in real words when asked for a comment. Another seventh grader managed to expand on his and his friend’s endeavor.

“The moment I opened that locker I could feel the warm milk gasses disbursing around me,” he said. “Almost like a gust of milky air. That feeling will forever be engraved in my mind.”

With the wild success of the first two milk lockers, students have organized multiple to start up later this year and going into next year which will contribute to Oxford’s already decreasing amount of lockers for students.

The new lockers will continue terrorizing their passersby and the legacy of the milk locker will soon live on for generations of OA students and continue to upset PE coaches.

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Your donation will support the student journalists of Oxford Academy. Your contribution will allow us to cover our annual operational costs and website hosting. Thank you for your support!

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The momentous marination of a milky monument