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The Student Newspaper of Oxford Academy

The Gamut

The Gamut

The Gamut

The Damut

Why Oxford students should transfer to Cypress College

Why Oxford students should transfer to Cypress College

A Woman, Op-Ed Editor April 4, 2023

Over the past few years, Oxford Academy has made the opportunity for students to enroll in college courses easier, specifically classes at the nearby Cypress College. Although the dual enrollment program is a flawless addition to the educational journey of students, admin should take the next step of...

Why Britain should have won the Revolutionary War

Why Britain should have won the Revolutionary War

Patricia Bateman and Colonizer April 4, 2023

Fighting for their place near the top in obesity rates and excessive gun violence, winning has forever been America’s right of passage. In 1783, Americans waved their teeny-weeny victory flags and declared themselves victor of their “Revolutionary” War. But little did they know, breaking free from...

Oxford Academy’s munchin’ new mascot

Oxford Academy’s munchin’ new mascot

Certified Munch, Staff Writer April 4, 2023

Oxford Academy’s current mascot, Paul the Patriot, will soon be replaced by the new mascot chosen by Oxford’s student body: Ice Spice. The decision was made on Feb. 29 and will be executed entirely by the end of May, before the start of fifth quarter. “Our old mascot didn’t really...

My Strange Addiction: Oxford Academy edition

kunigami #1 fan, Staff Writer April 4, 2023

For a school with such a tiny population, Oxford Academy is surprisingly home to thousands of odd and quite questionable addictions. Here are some of the most concerning obsessions adopted by fellow classmates:   Eating lipgloss - D.N. (10) D.N. always has a half-empty tube of the Glossier...

The Top Five White House Hotties

The Top Five White House Hotties

GOAT (Goat Of All Time), Staff Writer April 4, 2023

Despite what Thomas Jefferson proclaimed in the Declaration of Independence, not all presidents are created equal, especially in the face department. The Damut’s professional presidenterologerizerists have carefully analyzed the faces of all 46 U.S. presidents to determine the top five who make America’s...

Oxford touches grass in a moving documentary

Oxford touches grass in a moving documentary

National Giagraphic, Staff Writer April 4, 2023

The Learning Channel’s latest documentary, “First in the World” tells the story of an individual from the isolated society of Oxford Academy, who discovers a glimpse of the outside world. Directed and voiced by David Attenborough, the document gives insight into Oxford’s culture, with...

Economy in shambles after the Source shuts down

Bojack Wolfwoman, Staff Writer April 4, 2023

Federal Reserve employees and Wall Street bankers are pounding their fists on the ground after stocks plummeted due to the Source’s recent shutdown. On March 25, the Source OC met its untimely demise after being overrun by Oxford students, exceeding its carrying capacity and damaging critical...

Look out! The Mean Girls of Oxford Academy

Cady They/Themon, Staff Illustrator April 4, 2023

Two days ago Oxford Academy witnessed the rise of three teachers: Mrs. Diana Major, Mrs. Marissa Valgan, and Ms. Sharon Ran. Together, this terrifying trio declared their rule over the school, prowling the halls with red matching outfits. Ruler of the performing arts building, Mrs. Major displays...

1stKISS: The life, death, and history of OA’s boyband

1stKISS: The life, death, and history of OA’s boyband

Caillou and Barney April 4, 2023

After a career of ups and downs, hits and flops, friendships and scandals, Oxford Academy’s K-pop boyband, 1stKISS (Kings In Simple Swag), decided to part ways with the stage. A shocking discovery, students have been caught spontaneously breaking out into tears due to the emotional trauma of...

Analyzing the Oxford grade level MBTI types

pebble and d1 hater April 4, 2023

Using the Myers-Briggs personality test, The Damut has scientifically researched Oxford’s grades to improve mindfulness on campus! In the wilderness that is OA’s campus, these exuberant personalities shine.   OA’28 ESTP — Entrepreneur Ready for the Business Expo and a black card,...

Ask The Damut: we know everything.

Teehee and Boohoo April 4, 2023

Oxford Academy is no whimsical playground, and it can be easy to feel like you are doing everything wrong. You are probably right, but that’s okay! With solutions to some of Oxford’s most pressing problems, the Damut’s foolproof advice is sure to channel your hormonal, teenage angst into Patriot-perfect...

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The Damut